Goodbye Dear IITM

I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.

Here I sit for the last time in my lovely messy room hoping that time would stop. I dread the moment approaching. My last moment as a student of IITM, my last moment as a resident of Alak. I wish that I could somehow go back and live the last four years again. I wish for a Groundhog '4 years'. But I know that's not gonna happen. So I wait here for the inevitable. I am ready for it. I am prepared. I know where my towel is (For those unfamiliar with H2G2, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy).

I remember the day when counseling results came out; the worried looks my parents had about the idea of sending me so far from home. I can't help but let my mind drift off to my first day here. It was 2nd August, 2009. I was scared of being away from family, of having to live with completely new people, of living in a place where people didn't speak Hindi. I was scared of this gigantic place with a series of scary buildings, of super smart people, of starting a new life. At the same time I also remember the feeling I had when I got my ID card, or when I listened to some of the seniors profs speaking. It was a feeling of ecstasy and enthusiasm which you get when a big dream comes true. I remember the butterflies in my stomach. Looking back at those days I realize back then I was a boy trying hard to be a man. Today when I am leaving this place, I am a man who wants to be a boy again.

I look around my room and take a stroll through memory lane. The memories of night-outs during exams, of movie (or TV) marathons, or bullshitting sessions with friends come to my mind. I feel the joy thinking about the happy memories like placement, or getting facebook internship, or playing wolf in the wing. I feel the sorrow when I recall the sad incidents like losing a friend. I think of all that I have learned here, of all that I have done. Then my mind invariably goes to the things I could have done, I should have done. I feel the regret over wasting time one more time. But as usual it goes away when I think of my friends and all the great times we had here together.

My mind drifts to the memories of the people I met here. My old roommates Jusi and Ram (these two are credited with taking away my fear of living with strangers), my neighbors of 3 years Prateek(Golu), Vijay and Saheelram, of close friends like Vaibhav, Gholap, Gundu Gunaa, Ashu, Bonerjee, Boss, GuruPi, Pradeep, Viki Mama, Yemperor, Anuja, Deva, Tiru, and Akash. I relive the late night assignment fights in DCF, playing wolf in Alak, numerous department treats, making plans with Vaibhav to kill Akash, Gholap's killer PJs, all the trippings on dear Viki Mama (and obviously Mama comics), putting fight with Jusi in library during our first year, Jusi and I trying to wake up Ram to let us enter our room at 4am, GuruPi's inner peace, Gunaa making scrambled eggs for rest of us in US, the mysteries about Saheelram, and many more such memories. They all come at me in a wave, and I feel the void which leaving insti is gonna leave in my heart. Never before had I met such a diverse set of people who were all awesome and brilliant in their own way. Getting to know these people is probably the best thing that has happened to me till now. Without them my stay at IIT would not have been half as memorable. I hope that I can be in touch with all of them for years to come, and we can put same amount of fart whenever we see each other again.

And now when I look at the future, it scares me the same way IIT scared me four years ago. I am afraid to let go of my lovely insti. A part of me wants to stay here forever. But I know that's not logical. Life must go on. So with heavy heart I am leaving today. Leaving for the real world. Going away from my 'home away from home'. It scares the shit out of me but I hope that with the lessons I learned here I will be able to make it outside too somehow.

So here I am, ready to leave in half an hour and most of my friends have already left. But soon a new batch will come, again full of scared 18 year old boys/girls trying to find their place in the world, looking around this beautiful campus with dreamy eyes. Soon this institute's legacy and history will be under their care. I hope they will have as much fun as we did. Hopefully not make the same mistakes. Maybe make a few new ones. They will fall and rise just like all of us, and hopefully one day leave this place with as much love as I am doing today. To them I say "May the force be with you." (Sorry, geeky habits. Couldn't resist).